The daily lies

I wish you did not get to see,
What was truly wrong with me,
Something i can never hide,
Though it's buried deep inside,


I hoped that i could find the truth,
Maybe it's just misplaced youth,
But it's killing me from inside out,
Plaguing me with self hate and doubt.


Day to day things never change,
Thoughts so foreign, reflections strange,
Side tracked with my odd obsession,
Getting harder to fight the depression,


Things never seem to go to plan,
I can't see the things others can,
I try to change and fight the tide,
But it serves to fuel my will to hide.


Will there be a day that i can smile,
And say my life has become worthwhile,
That I've become someone for you,
That I've found a me that's true,


With daily lies i seem to play,
I've lost the real me along the way,
What am i without the mask and tricks,
Just a soul that her mind conflicts.


Please, don't look at me this way,
You can't carry the pain away,
Trapped with the mind that wants to die,
Trapped in this body that's too cold to cry.


On the edge of breaking down,
Hard to fight the will to drown,
But I'm trying my best to make it through,
To be a worthy person, just for you.


I'm sorry that I've failed.
Every single waking day.
My minds derailed.
Hearts gone horribly astray.
I'm truly sorry.
Gomen ne.