"He.. Slipped away"

Woken by the sounds of forbidden words,
The crackly line and one sided conversation,
My father talking, and then mother, on the telephone,
It left only the topic as an abbreviation,
I turned over and slept in denial and fear,
It was a dream after all.


You knew it'd be hard to tell me,
I sense that even now as i write this,
"He's not gone. He's not, stop lying, stop it."
Taken away from my moments of bliss,
Wrapping it up into self blame and hatred.
It was my fault after all.


I think i lost myself a little,
Time changed yet again and became a blur,
Losing existence to phobias and suicide,
The past events that tried to reoccur,
And now i'm the reason you're gone too,
I shouldn't have been saved.
I'd give it to you if i could.


"How ever you choose to grieve.."
Therapeutic words lost meanings in time,
Thank you for talking me down again,
I can't even write this silly rhyme,
To say how much he meant to me,
How much i screwed up his life,
How much i want to cry,
But i can't because people would know,
That i'm not as strong as them,
Why didn't they cry?
Why am i still a child?
Why are good people allowed to die?
Why are they allowed to suffer?
And i know no one can answer,
Bitter words.