A Deadly Comfort

I've been in this place before.
The world and it's colour faded,
There's new writing on the walls,
My eyes are cold and jaded,
I run away from their calls,
Leaps and bounds to make it,
To escape from what's not real.
And what scares me the most.

Lock the door and shut them out.
I fall and my back scrapes against it,
The cold tiles swiftly brush away,
The maddening anxiety welling up,
I want to scream, can't breathe,
Sit down, curl up, cry and pray.

"Please.. something.. take me away"

I've been fighting for so long,
My heart is old and weary,
I'm tired of the war inside,
My visions bleary,
Tears can't fall forever,
But, damn, it feels like eternity.

I know I've lost it all again,
Had enough and "packed my things",
Tried to leave without farewells,
The fall and the change it brings,

Drinking to forget the pain,
Medicate my feelings in impulse.
Darkness fell, comfort surrounded me.
Inside i smiled. Finally. Finally.

You held my wrist and shook it,
You skin so warm like a devils sin,
Voices echoing i open my eyes,
Reminding me of where I'd been,

Taken from the safety from the angels,
I'd have been finally truly been free,
I would have been happy.
Allowed to be me.

A place so far away,
Where fear didn't exist,
But after all is done,
These maddening impulses persist.

I am not who i am,
I am not the girl you see,
All i feel is i am the disease,
The problem, it's me.
And now i fail again.
And no one hears my screams,
Behind the silent smile.
And the deafening dreams.

I wish i knew then,
What i know now.
Or to be finally let go.